Well here I am again....and I feel giving updates have been a failure because nothing has happened.
I went to the doctor on Thursday the 28th because I was bleeding for 17 days straight. I went in and they did an ultrasound. Then I had to wait for the doctor to call me back. It really sucked because there was this doctor that didn't know anything about me or my history and he was filling in for my doc. I wasn't happy about it.
He said they were gonna check my blood levels and hormones and see what's up. I ended up getting a prescription for iron pills again since I'm bleeding all the time. He said they will call me letting me know what to do once my results come back. I got blood done and left.
Few hours later I got a call from the assistant there and she told me to start Clomid again and come in on the 4th....I was so confused but was like "oookaay.." ..I asked her if it would make me stop bleeding, all she said was she didn't know. Well, thanks for the help...why do you work there again? She calls me back like 5 minutes later and says change of plan, No clomid (that's what I thought...), but she told me to wait till my cycle start again and call back on the first day....WTF. I have been bleeding for almost a month now and you tell me that?? How the hell will I know, this is not going to stop, it's gonna be like before.
Today I got a call from Michael, we talked for a few and I completely lost it, and I think it shocked him at first but he understood...and I didn't mean to, I mean he was at work. I just told him in between sobs that I am tired of wasting our money on tampons because I just went through TWO full boxes in less than a week and toilet paper. Since I'm always running to the bathroom, we had to scrounge coins out of tiny spaces to buy toilet paper because of my issue. I'm tired of having to worry about going swimming or losing this bloat in my stomach. I'm so sick of going to the pool because I know HE wants to (as do I, but CAN'T) and getting out and running every five minutes to check if I'm leaking and getting blood in the pool and being embarrassed. I'm tired of it all! I'm tired of sitting there and having to move my leg just a little and have to jump up to run to the bathroom and worrying about if I stained the couch, the floor, my pants or the car seat....if anyone can see my stain, or is it running down my leg? It is THAT bad even with a tampon...only the tampon allows me a little but of stalling...
I told him all of that crying my eyes out and he doesn't know what to do and I feel so bad...but he does his best, but he has to go, he's at work of course. When I get off the phone, let me tell you...I have NEVER cried that hard before. I squeezed my Zoey and I cried and cried, and I was loud and I didn't care...I was in so much pain. SIX years and now it's coming back and nobody is understanding me, nobody is helping me. Honestly, I want a baby so bad, MY OWN baby so bad...but I cannot take it anymore. I laid there and begged to God to help me. I was crying so hard I was screaming...I just kept saying I'm sorry whenever I could breath..
What about Mike? Why can't we live like any normal couple? Go ahead, say it. Sex. Why can't we be happy?! This is the hardest decision I will ever have to make, get rid of it all and be semi-happy, or suffer my whole DAMN life and MAYBE have a baby when I'm like 80??
I'm starting to become a train wreck again so I need to go and hopefully all the crying will help me pass out.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Here it goes again!
So this is QUITE frustrating!! The doc wanted me to wait a couple weeks to see if my cycle would start. Well on Sunday, the 10th, I bled extremely light, then it went away. It did that every single day until Friday the 15th...that's when I started bleeding really bad. I was scared out of my mind because I didn't want to end up like it was, like a bad habit..I guess it's a fear now...a phobia more like.
It's been 10 (15) days and guess what? I'M STILL BLEEDING! Not just regular bleeding.. it's like it was before, HEAVY and very clotted....Not to mention my belly is bloated from it AGAIN...all this bleeding is making me gain all the weight back because of how poor my nutrition is. I am calling the doctor today to set up an appointment. I waited so long to call him because I had HOPE that it would STOP. I am so tired of this, I really hope it doesn't end up where I have to have a hysterectomy.
I want my own baby!! Is that too much to ask?!
Don't be like.. "Oh just adopt." ....I am NOT against adopting and I DO want to adopt regardless in the future, but have YOU been through this? Are YOU infertile? YES, I know people that are and they have adopted and I think that is BEAUTIFUL! ...but I want to be able to feel pregnancy, feel that bond, go through it, just like YOU did.
Why God is doing this, I don't know. Maybe he feels we are not ready, whether it be financially, mentally...even tho we believe we are ready, God as a plan....and no matter how much it hurts me, or how frustrating it is, we got to stick to it. If we are NOT ready, why can't we just "not" have one, instead of me suffering like this! Have I done something so horrible? All I can do it pray...
Now I'm going to call the doctor and try my best to live through these days without breaking down...I will have to sit on my bum 24/7 otherwise I have to rush to the bathroom anytime I move or get up (Yes it is that bad...).
-Katie
It's been 10 (15) days and guess what? I'M STILL BLEEDING! Not just regular bleeding.. it's like it was before, HEAVY and very clotted....Not to mention my belly is bloated from it AGAIN...all this bleeding is making me gain all the weight back because of how poor my nutrition is. I am calling the doctor today to set up an appointment. I waited so long to call him because I had HOPE that it would STOP. I am so tired of this, I really hope it doesn't end up where I have to have a hysterectomy.
I want my own baby!! Is that too much to ask?!
Don't be like.. "Oh just adopt." ....I am NOT against adopting and I DO want to adopt regardless in the future, but have YOU been through this? Are YOU infertile? YES, I know people that are and they have adopted and I think that is BEAUTIFUL! ...but I want to be able to feel pregnancy, feel that bond, go through it, just like YOU did.
Why God is doing this, I don't know. Maybe he feels we are not ready, whether it be financially, mentally...even tho we believe we are ready, God as a plan....and no matter how much it hurts me, or how frustrating it is, we got to stick to it. If we are NOT ready, why can't we just "not" have one, instead of me suffering like this! Have I done something so horrible? All I can do it pray...
Now I'm going to call the doctor and try my best to live through these days without breaking down...I will have to sit on my bum 24/7 otherwise I have to rush to the bathroom anytime I move or get up (Yes it is that bad...).
-Katie
Friday, July 8, 2011
The cycle begins
So we went to the doctor on Tuesday the 5th of July. Another ultrasound. It was pretty nerve wrecking sitting there waiting on the results because I was still hoping that maybe, just maybe it worked and it just needed a little time. The nurse called me into her room.
One word, Nothing. It felt like everything was in slow motion. She told me that they were going to monitor my cycle. We are going to see if I get a period within the next two weeks. I call and let them know what happened. If I do not get a period, they either up my dose of Clomid or put me on another ovulation medicine. If that don't work, then we have to try another approach.
It's up to my body now. We'll see how it goes.
One word, Nothing. It felt like everything was in slow motion. She told me that they were going to monitor my cycle. We are going to see if I get a period within the next two weeks. I call and let them know what happened. If I do not get a period, they either up my dose of Clomid or put me on another ovulation medicine. If that don't work, then we have to try another approach.
It's up to my body now. We'll see how it goes.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Ultrasound, blood & hormones
So we went to the doctor today. I got taken straight back to the ultrasound room. I got an internal ultrasound, but they couldn't find my right ovary! All I can say is, it hurt like hell trying to get to it. They ended up doing a belly ultrasound to find it.
That didn't last that long so once I got dressed and went out and waited, I got called in by a nurse. She told me there has been no activity. Well that crushed my spirits. I am really really sick and tired of playing the waiting game!! She told me they would call me and let me know my next thing to do. They took blood and I was on my way. I teared up a bit because I still had that little glimmer of hope. So we went out to lunch at our favorite Diner.
I almost forgot to mention that a couple days ago we got a new beagle!! We have a cat, so the reason behind the dog is......to be baby ready. Not just for us, but for Zoey. Beagle's are great with babies and Zoey needs to get used to having "a small creature" in the house. We keep them separated but it's still the fact. Her name is Roxy and she is SO darn cute! I couldn't ask for a cuter dog!
Playing the Baby Waiting Game.
Patience.
That didn't last that long so once I got dressed and went out and waited, I got called in by a nurse. She told me there has been no activity. Well that crushed my spirits. I am really really sick and tired of playing the waiting game!! She told me they would call me and let me know my next thing to do. They took blood and I was on my way. I teared up a bit because I still had that little glimmer of hope. So we went out to lunch at our favorite Diner.
I almost forgot to mention that a couple days ago we got a new beagle!! We have a cat, so the reason behind the dog is......to be baby ready. Not just for us, but for Zoey. Beagle's are great with babies and Zoey needs to get used to having "a small creature" in the house. We keep them separated but it's still the fact. Her name is Roxy and she is SO darn cute! I couldn't ask for a cuter dog!
Playing the Baby Waiting Game.
Patience.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Journey leading to this point
****THIS IS A BLOG TO TELL YOU ABOUT OUR STORY, IF YOU'RE TOO IMMATURE TO HEAR ABOUT PROBLEMS THAT CAN ARISE FOR WOMEN, PERIODS OR SEX IN GENERAL, CLICK THE RED X AT THE TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER.****
Hope. Faith.
Those words are what kept us going. What actually mean something to us. God has a plan, we just have to wait patiently and see what he has in store for us. Us, for example, have been waiting IMpatiently for 6 years for our time to shine. What are we talking about? Well, we're talking about being a mommy & daddy. That's all we ever wanted in life. This blog is to tell you our story, our story through trying, failing, the obstacles in between, and then WINNING. Let us tell you our story.
February 2005....after dating in High School for 3 1/2 years, we decided to get engaged. It was hard to tell our parents because we were scared on how they would react. They took it much better than we would of ever thought. All we wanted to do was move in together, and have a family. We were so in love.
July 30th, 2005....One month and 26 days after high school graduation and 17 days after my birthday (Katie) we got married at Lake Anna in our home town of Barberton, Ohio. That day was amazing and then we were off to our honeymoon to Gettysburg, PA.
[Katie]September 2005....I have not had my period for a whole month and all tests were negative. One day I was just messing around and rough housing, and hit something too hard and I started having major pains in my stomach area. I ran to the bathroom....that is where the clots and bleeding started. I wasn't quite sure then, but I know it now, I had a at-home miscarriage. How do I know? Well first, HOW IT HAPPENED and what I saw after the "major bleeding" passed. I looked, because I was scared, I never went through bleeding like that bad before and in that much pain. I know what I saw and it burned into my mind for all these years.
[Katie] So that brought me to look it up one day when I brought up enough courage to do so because I was having one of those depressing days where I got yet another negative sign. This was in 2009. I looked up "at-home miscarriages" and sure enough, what I saw online that day is EXACTLY what I saw on that day in 2005. I was shocked even though I knew that it was the truth from the beginning and I just went to Mike, laid down in his lap and cried as he just held me.
There were days where I couldn't even get up off the couch because the clots were so big and the bleeding so heavy. There were days where I had to run to the bathroom every TWO minutes. My body was messed up. I could not lose weight, only gain it...trust me I tried. I worked so hard to achieve nothing. I was depressed and my hormones were screwed up.
[Mike] February 2008, I was working at Walmart, we where barely getting by and it seemed that everyday Katie got sicker and sicker. I was worried that she might not make it much longer since she had no energy or color. None of the doctors we had gone to would help since the coverage I had through Walmart didn't cover such things. With the bills mounting and the stress to the breaking point I started to try and find something that could help. While at work one day, one of my co-workers was talking about his time in the military. The conversation changed to health care and how it was almost completely free for family. When I heard this I knew what I had to do. The next day after work I went and talked to the Air Force recruiter to
confirm what I had heard. I went home that night and told Katie my plans.
[Mike] April 15th 2008 My first day of USAF basic training. The next 6 weeks where the hardest of my life up to that point. Just knowing that back at home Katie was fading from the massive blood loss from her problem. After basic I went to technical school to learn my job....it was another 6 week school. This time I was able to call and write everyday, which made it a bit easier.
August 13th, 2008 We arrived in our new home in New jersey where we are now stationed. The first chance we had we went to the clinic and saw the doctor. He told us that if she hadn't gotten there when we did that she would not have made it much longer. This started the almost 3 year long quest to find the problems that have caused Katie to be sick. One week before Valentines day 2010, a OBGYN puts Katie on a birth control to help stop the bleeding. On Valentines day Katie started to have massive head aches, so bad she cant move, and if she does, she gets sick. We thought stress migraine, but when we went to the ER we found she was bleeding in to her brain because of a clot in her brain. She was rushed to a different hospital where she was in ICU in serious condition for 5 full days. The doctor put her on blood thinners to help make the clot disappear, which they decided was caused by the birth control.
[Mike] May 21st, 2010 I start a 6 month deployment to the pits of hell, aka the giant sand box. During this, Katie takes a turn for the worse and ends up in the hospital by her moms house in WV. I kinda lost it at this point... I couldn't come home to help, and I wouldn't be home for another 4 months. When I did get home in November of 2010, she was getting better. she was no longer on the blood thinners, and she had appointments on base to get a new OBGYN off base in December 2010.
April 2011 she went to her new doctor. In the first appointment he came up with a plan. In the second appointment, she was set up for surgery, a D&C. Her D&C was on the 12th of May and during her follow-up, they found a growth. She got surgery for that on the 24th of May.
Today is the 23rd of June 2011 and she has stopped bleeding since her surgery. She has regained her color, and the pep that I had missed so dearly. Some say I joined the military to better my self, I just tell them no, I joined so that my Katie will live, so that she can become healthy again, To save her life. I guess my mission has been completed.
[Katie]It's been 6 years of pure torture...now I can move around, go out, exercise, move around without worrying about staining my clothes, being embarrassed or running to the bathroom! I feel like I can breathe deeper, move around more, lost a lot of weight since the surgery..and I'm happier.
I was taking ovulation meds for the past 5 days and we were on a "scheduled intercourse". We go to the doctor on the 27th of June to check if an egg has dropped. This may be our year.
I hope you stick around to listen to our continued journey of being a mommy & daddy.
Hope. Faith.
Those words are what kept us going. What actually mean something to us. God has a plan, we just have to wait patiently and see what he has in store for us. Us, for example, have been waiting IMpatiently for 6 years for our time to shine. What are we talking about? Well, we're talking about being a mommy & daddy. That's all we ever wanted in life. This blog is to tell you our story, our story through trying, failing, the obstacles in between, and then WINNING. Let us tell you our story.
February 2005....after dating in High School for 3 1/2 years, we decided to get engaged. It was hard to tell our parents because we were scared on how they would react. They took it much better than we would of ever thought. All we wanted to do was move in together, and have a family. We were so in love.
July 30th, 2005....One month and 26 days after high school graduation and 17 days after my birthday (Katie) we got married at Lake Anna in our home town of Barberton, Ohio. That day was amazing and then we were off to our honeymoon to Gettysburg, PA.
[Katie]September 2005....I have not had my period for a whole month and all tests were negative. One day I was just messing around and rough housing, and hit something too hard and I started having major pains in my stomach area. I ran to the bathroom....that is where the clots and bleeding started. I wasn't quite sure then, but I know it now, I had a at-home miscarriage. How do I know? Well first, HOW IT HAPPENED and what I saw after the "major bleeding" passed. I looked, because I was scared, I never went through bleeding like that bad before and in that much pain. I know what I saw and it burned into my mind for all these years.
[Katie] So that brought me to look it up one day when I brought up enough courage to do so because I was having one of those depressing days where I got yet another negative sign. This was in 2009. I looked up "at-home miscarriages" and sure enough, what I saw online that day is EXACTLY what I saw on that day in 2005. I was shocked even though I knew that it was the truth from the beginning and I just went to Mike, laid down in his lap and cried as he just held me.
There were days where I couldn't even get up off the couch because the clots were so big and the bleeding so heavy. There were days where I had to run to the bathroom every TWO minutes. My body was messed up. I could not lose weight, only gain it...trust me I tried. I worked so hard to achieve nothing. I was depressed and my hormones were screwed up.
[Mike] February 2008, I was working at Walmart, we where barely getting by and it seemed that everyday Katie got sicker and sicker. I was worried that she might not make it much longer since she had no energy or color. None of the doctors we had gone to would help since the coverage I had through Walmart didn't cover such things. With the bills mounting and the stress to the breaking point I started to try and find something that could help. While at work one day, one of my co-workers was talking about his time in the military. The conversation changed to health care and how it was almost completely free for family. When I heard this I knew what I had to do. The next day after work I went and talked to the Air Force recruiter to
confirm what I had heard. I went home that night and told Katie my plans.
[Mike] April 15th 2008 My first day of USAF basic training. The next 6 weeks where the hardest of my life up to that point. Just knowing that back at home Katie was fading from the massive blood loss from her problem. After basic I went to technical school to learn my job....it was another 6 week school. This time I was able to call and write everyday, which made it a bit easier.
August 13th, 2008 We arrived in our new home in New jersey where we are now stationed. The first chance we had we went to the clinic and saw the doctor. He told us that if she hadn't gotten there when we did that she would not have made it much longer. This started the almost 3 year long quest to find the problems that have caused Katie to be sick. One week before Valentines day 2010, a OBGYN puts Katie on a birth control to help stop the bleeding. On Valentines day Katie started to have massive head aches, so bad she cant move, and if she does, she gets sick. We thought stress migraine, but when we went to the ER we found she was bleeding in to her brain because of a clot in her brain. She was rushed to a different hospital where she was in ICU in serious condition for 5 full days. The doctor put her on blood thinners to help make the clot disappear, which they decided was caused by the birth control.
[Mike] May 21st, 2010 I start a 6 month deployment to the pits of hell, aka the giant sand box. During this, Katie takes a turn for the worse and ends up in the hospital by her moms house in WV. I kinda lost it at this point... I couldn't come home to help, and I wouldn't be home for another 4 months. When I did get home in November of 2010, she was getting better. she was no longer on the blood thinners, and she had appointments on base to get a new OBGYN off base in December 2010.
April 2011 she went to her new doctor. In the first appointment he came up with a plan. In the second appointment, she was set up for surgery, a D&C. Her D&C was on the 12th of May and during her follow-up, they found a growth. She got surgery for that on the 24th of May.
Today is the 23rd of June 2011 and she has stopped bleeding since her surgery. She has regained her color, and the pep that I had missed so dearly. Some say I joined the military to better my self, I just tell them no, I joined so that my Katie will live, so that she can become healthy again, To save her life. I guess my mission has been completed.
[Katie]It's been 6 years of pure torture...now I can move around, go out, exercise, move around without worrying about staining my clothes, being embarrassed or running to the bathroom! I feel like I can breathe deeper, move around more, lost a lot of weight since the surgery..and I'm happier.
I was taking ovulation meds for the past 5 days and we were on a "scheduled intercourse". We go to the doctor on the 27th of June to check if an egg has dropped. This may be our year.
I hope you stick around to listen to our continued journey of being a mommy & daddy.
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